Dalhousie, February 2021: A retired Himachal dentist went viral in January for his unusual solution to chronic constipation. “It all started with the Blue Planet and David Attenborough,” says Dr. P Aware, connoisseur of erratic bowels and fear tactics. “I was watching a bit of the Blue Planet in VR and that was when I had the best bowel movements since back when I was ragged in college. I had to go from virtual to real. And so, I made a few calls.” The Grimes, at this time, is not predisposed to revealing the contacts.
Following the viral spread of the shark tank in the toilet episode, PETA India filed a complaint with the District Court in Delhi asking for injunctive relief, whereupon the judge dismissed their plea and asked them to look-up the term “jurisdiction”. Following the debacle, PETA India sought donations to send a representative to Himachal Pradesh. Two days later, a case was filed in the Chamba District Court.
Dr. Aware has countersued PETA India for vexatious litigation and has demanded additional companion sharks in damages. As evident from our coverage of Dr. Someshwar’s report on pending cases in Indian courts, this pair of cases is not expected to be resolved anytime soon.
“This is bullshit. He can’t use animals like this,” said Ms. P A Sugamana, spokesperson for PETA India. Adventurer and television presenter Bear Grylls added, “Yeah, sharks are so hard to care for. I can get you a good deal on gharials. (They are) easier to keep but just as scary.” “Take my tiger,” said an amused Joe Exotic.
New developments have come to the fore in a twitter update by Dr. Aware. He has claimed that over the past few weeks PETA India has employed goondas and Bar Council enrolled goondas to intimidate him into releasing the shark. “This has played into my hands,” said an elated Dr. Aware. “I have had some of the best bowel movements ever.” He is known to have replaced his shark tank with high quality images of PETA representatives, lawyers and goondas.