New Delhi, July 2020: Diplomatic talks with China have taken a turn for the new. In an unprecedented move, China has called for a ceasefire. India has a significantly higher number of Covid19 active cases. Chinese officials have claimed that this has forced their hand to call for distancing their soldiers from the infection. “India is chock full of Covid19 infection. We cannot allow our soldiers to face such dangers,” said a diplomat from Beijing.
In the intervening period, while the pandemic subsides, China is proposing a Call of Duty Battle Royale style tournament where the winner takes all. As a display of its generosity, it has agreed to play the first tournament for 10 km of its own territory in the Aksai Chin territory of Kashmir.
While the Indian diplomats have claimed this as a victory for India and hailed the current ruling central government as the best in history, the military top brass are not amused. “No. No. We can’t agree to that”, said General Thimayya, Chief of the Defence Staff. “They are bound to use aimbot hacks. Cheating is in their nature.” The Chinese spokesperson was unavailable for comment on the accusations of cheating as it was a Wednesday.
Meanwhile, Indian players have been griping that all their gaming equipment were made in China. They are now worried that if they were to use them against the Chinese teams, their gear could get remotely deactivated. The Indian Brotherhood of Gamers (IBG) has now moved to support the Make in India movement.
“Majority of our hacks came from our Chinese comrades [n-sic]. But, now I’m not sure if we’ll be able to get the latest updates. Our indigenous hackers specialize in phishing. They don’t help us gaming folks,” tweeted one disgruntled gamer, @hackislife69420.
In an exclusive interview with Rohit Ambani, India’s unanimous best gamer, we learn about how these developments have changed the gaming scene. “Yes. It’s all changing. We’re being forced to learn how to deal with game mechanics without the hacks. In light of this new information, my team has pioneeringly (sic) actually started practising. We have been frantically trying to get good.”
Seeing the opportunity to enter another market, Indian conglomerate Jio has offered to refurbish, overhaul, and technologise Mumbai’s Wankhede Stadium for the e-sport and supply the entire area with free electricity and high-speed fiber internet. They propose to rebrand it Jio Stadium. Also, in lieu of new partnerships, starting September, with Jio subscriptions of over INR400, customers can avail INR100 Steam gift cards.^
^Disclosure: We are not sponsored by Jio. We would like to though.
*n-sic=not sic.