Bollywood, January 2021: With Radhe and Antim in post-production, Salman Khan appears to be waiting for people to get over their suffering and disease to release his movies. Rumours abound that even though his PR team suggested releasing the movies soon, pointing to the lack of taste being a symptom of COVID19 and not just a characteristic of his audience, Mr. Khan refused to act on it.
While A-list actors have decided to sit on their money and wait out the pandemic, tryhard B-list and C-list actors have turned to Youtube and Tiktok for work. “We cannot wait it out like them,” said a flustered Fardeen Khan. “My crack dealer is crawling up my ass for his money and I need to find work fast.”
Meanwhile, the Aurangabad Regional Head of the Salman Khan Fan Federation gathered two hundred supporters at the city centre to uncover a hundred posters of Salman Khan and poured milk on it to persuade him to release a new movie. “We are very sad that Bhai hasn’t released a movie in over a year. We want him to know that we are waiting,” said the Regional Head who wished to remain unnamed.
After a video of Mr. Khan leaked on Twitter yesterday, many Mumbai citizens rejoiced and turned out in the streets to celebrate the relief at not having to be hounded by blathering movie-goers. The increase in the density of people in the streets was quickly observed by the municipality and security forces were sent to detain the leaders of the crowd in order to fight the spread of COVID.
Another set of protests broke out after the Film Crew Workers’ Union’s leaders met during the weekend. “By sheer numbers, the crew make up more of the film industry than the cast. And we are unhappy with this trend,” said an emotional Mr. Diaz, the union chief. “The actors can wait out the employment hiatuses in their mansions. We don’t have the luxury to do that.”
Many of the union workers have also transitioned to working on Tiktok and Instagram Reels content. “The quality of content is really not that different,” said Cut Dada, an editor with over 15 years of experience in the industry.
Mr. Diaz and the union workers staged a protest and walked to Juhu with obscene placards aimed at “highbrow” actors. The Shiv Sena has claimed that this is not a protest about disgruntled workers and unemployment at all. They say the protest has been hijacked by anti-national elements and needs to be stopped immediately.