Prayagraj, February 2021: With the rise in awareness about mental health, depression, and suicides, the central government has been under fire for not acknowledging the harsh reality and ignoring the plight of the mentally ill. Keyboard warriors have taken to twitter to talk about how depression is eating them up. After weeks of silence, the government has spoken.
The Central Government advises youth to sleep on time, wake up at sunrise, and perform Surya Namaskar. They say that this is the Ram Baan or Panacea (for English readers) or Cure-all (for less educated English readers) for depression.
“All this hullabaloo about psychiatry and western medicine is fake news spread by the opposition. It is not real,” propounds AJP spokesperson, Ram Mandirwale. “If kids just wake up early, perform yoga, and join their local AJP IT Cell WhatsApp group, everything will be good.”
This advisory comes in the wake of the backlash faced by the Prime Minister’s Office for their recent tweet about depression. The tweet, dated February 14, read: “Say No to Depression. If your friends offer you a bandwagon seat onto depression, just say no. #NoFOMO #NoFad #NoDepression #JustSayNo” Thousands of what can only be categorised as the depressed youth demographic tweeted back: “no u.”
“Depression is as stupid as lactose intolerance. Just tolerate it.” says chief advisor to the AYUSH minister. He adds, “Depression is just a state of mind. But the Minister really believes in what people send him on WhatsApp. So we humour him.”
Popular pseudoscience proponent and part-time Member of Paliament, Smt. Sthan Dharak Ji has obtained records from the parliament’s in house therapist. Speaking at a press release, she eviscerated Opposition Deputy Chief for being weak and the Home Minister’s deputy for faking depression. Smt. Sthan Dharak Ji and the therapist in question are under investigation for breaking therapist-patient privilege.
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